I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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