i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
