I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
