Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
