This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
