I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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