Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
