You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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