happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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