so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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