You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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