i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I deserve this hangover.
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