Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
