I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
