i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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