So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you had me at cake vodka
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
