70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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