why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We have started to decorate penises.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
