I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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