Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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