I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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