Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
