update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you win again, gameday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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