Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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