Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
