Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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