i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.