I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??