grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im so drunk with asians
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.