Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

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(503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql

Replies (17) Good night (4756) Bad night (727)
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(323): View more from California

Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

(1-323): View more from California

We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

(323): View more from California

Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

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(323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender? (1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out? (323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture. http://tfl.nu/sr23

Replies (44) Good night (1492) Bad night (28442)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.

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(541): I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album. http://tfl.nu/to1v

Replies (10) Good night (1382) Bad night (3181)
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(520): View more from Arizona

In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.

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(520): In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties. http://tfl.nu/3p0b

Replies (32) Good night (7786) Bad night (1204)
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(703): View more from Virginia

We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

(540): View more from Virginia

You guys make me sad

(703): View more from Virginia

You misspelled jealous there

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(703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst

Replies (23) Good night (11844) Bad night (1501)
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(830): View more from Texas

Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.

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(830): Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/q7ix

Replies (10) Good night (4530) Bad night (1063)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

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(202): I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand http://tfl.nu/1ole

Replies (8) Good night (4262) Bad night (1040)
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(254): View more from Texas

In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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(254): In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/fy1k

Replies (8) Good night (2956) Bad night (1263)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.

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(860): the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real. http://tfl.nu/2bbh

Replies (5) Good night (4847) Bad night (944)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

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(573): Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something http://tfl.nu/61ie

Replies (7) Good night (736) Bad night (1241)
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(407): View more from Florida

Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.

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(407): Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas. http://tfl.nu/zp3l

Replies (6) Good night (1841) Bad night (530)
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(805): View more from California

how many dildos make it a "collection?"

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(805): how many dildos make it a "collection?" http://tfl.nu/3sue

Replies (12) Good night (1565) Bad night (1053)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3

(906): View more from Michigan

Omg sara

(920): View more from Wisconsin

I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty

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(920): I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3 (906): Omg sara (920): I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty http://tfl.nu/fytc

Replies (8) Good night (1661) Bad night (566)
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(314): View more from Missouri

shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help

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(314): shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help http://tfl.nu/q76e

Replies (6) Good night (1614) Bad night (622)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.

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(775): Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture. http://tfl.nu/1sw6

Replies (0) Good night (604) Bad night (352)

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