I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
