I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
