Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious