nut hugger
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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