chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
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The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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