I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I could fuck to npr.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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