i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
