I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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