I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
