Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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