you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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