you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
