He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
