What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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