Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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