You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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