Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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