I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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