Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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