When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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