Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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