Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
