She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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