He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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