Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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