so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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