at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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