all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
