my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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