i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
