yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
