You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
