i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize