The maid of honor just puked.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
